i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
