At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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