haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
