I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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