We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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