if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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