you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
