90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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