I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
