It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize