ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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