Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think i have two assholes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
