would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
