I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
