was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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