dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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