the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
