Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do herpes really smell.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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