i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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