i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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