I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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