matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
