i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
