just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
