i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
