the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
