We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
