R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
