Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
