hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
