The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
