The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
