UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
