i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
