if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How naked do you want me to be?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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