Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
