last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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