If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
