so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize