I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
