we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
