p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
