I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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