I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
