i need an iv and a liver transplant
Need sex. Gaining weight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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