I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
