Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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