Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
