Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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