She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
