hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
