She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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