Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
