No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The uberlube is also flammable
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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