apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
