Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize