I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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