His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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