ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
