I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
