I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
