Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
