Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
