So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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