Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
