I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
