I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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