My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
