sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
