I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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