i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
