Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
