we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
