If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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