He felt like a one man threesome
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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