my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
