Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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