oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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