Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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