i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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