Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And then my night got REAL pukey
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
