Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
