I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
