So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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