Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
