Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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