I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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