i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
