Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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