naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
