Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize