My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
