Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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