So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
