I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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