things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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