i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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