new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Come share oat with me in your robe
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
