Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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